-holy shit-

My mind is fucking EVERYWHERE today. I literally can’t focus on one good thing, just all the stressful and sad.

I think the worst part is that I have no one to really talk to about this because everyone around seems fairly content. They have jobs, they have significant others, they have fun things to do, they have best friends.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been a floater all of my life. I’ve never had one true best friend (aside from like fourth through sixth grade, but honestly that was also when my relationship with my parents was the worst) or one true relationship outside of my immediate family. I’m not even all that close with my cousins, aunts and uncles. I do have really good friends. I promise. There is just something different about a best friend and a really good friend.

Growing up in a small town limits your experiences. Not going along with the crowd limits them even more. I’ve never felt so sheltered, but living in a big city, listening to stories of those younger than me… I don’t know, maybe I haven’t truly been living.

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